"I met an old man in Langtang. The earthquake had taken his house. He had no family, no money, and no immediate support. To make things worse, he had a cataract and was slowly going blind. He had somehow managed to make a rag-tag shelter under a rock. I doubt he received any relief. I briefly spoke with him. To see him like that broke me but I had to return home to my ‘life’. Back home, I buried the interaction with the man. Thoughts of him were uncomfortable. It would make me feel guilty.
"I see life as a story. My mother's story was a tragic one. They say she committed suicide. I am not sure why as I was just a toddler and do not remember the incident. But I know that she did not have a good relationship with my father. He had left her after I was born. She married again with another man and I assume that relationship failed too. Maybe it was too difficult to endure the pain of living every day. My maternal family took care of me and I eventually moved in with my mother's sister. She and her husband were good people and I am grateful for the life they have given me.
"When I was 19 years old a snake bit me and I lost my hand. I was very sad. One has to lose a hand to understand the sadness. But as I started to think about my life ahead, I realised that I needed to do something. I told myself that if I was to earn a respectful life, I must study and become a contributing member of society. I could have gone the other way if I had stayed home in self-pity. So I studied hard and every time I did well, I felt better about myself. Today, I am a civil sub-overseer and also a junior technical assistance working in animal health.
"Fathers wives had passed away. And his daughters from them had married and left. There were no women to look after him and the other children so he married my mother. He was 60 and my mother 30. He did, however, send us to school. For that, I feel indebted to him for if he had chosen to give me away at a young age, my life would have never seen the light of living. He was also a poor man, a simple farmer who made just enough to feed his family. Maybe he understood that the days of farming was coming to an end.
“Right from the moment I started saving, I knew what I would use the money for. I had hidden my money from everyone else. It was important for me to save enough. The total amount I needed was 10 rupees. After sometime when I met my goal, I took the money out and carefully put it in my pocket. But I had learned that just money was not enough and I needed my birth certificate for what I intended to accomplish. For a few days, I spied on my father and found out where he kept all the documents. And one quiet day, when no one was looking, I took out my birth certificate.
"There is a wavelength mismatch between the internet generation , dubbed the 90s kid and said kid’s parents. An entire generation’s parents have struggled, and some continue to, to give the best life to their child. It is almost like there is an internalized resentment. I call it the internalized feeling of scarcity: “I have worked hard to give you a good life but now that I am seeing you living it, I feel a sense of jealousy as I never had such luxury in my own childhood”. Expectations of the provider are raised and the child continues to try to meet them.
"My dream for my children is for them to have a house where they can live in happily. And maybe, they will also let me stay."
(Lalita Devi Marik, Birpur, Saptari)
#TheFutureIWant
SON X UN
"I run mules from one ward to the other. But sometimes there is nothing to carry so I spend my days idle, listening to songs and thinking about what could have been and what should have been. With the money I make, life in the village is difficult. I do not have a father and I have to contribute to the family. But I am doing what I can. It feels good to return home with money. And that is probably what makes me happy today."
(Phufu Chungda, Ghyapla)
#TheFutureIWant
SON X UN
"We sell milk. Sometimes it is two of us and sometimes it is three. We give what we receive to our families. It has been some time that we have not been to school. They closed it down due to corona. We are hoping we can go back soon. We think it is a relief for our parents because they do not have to submit the monthly fees. And it is okay for us too. If we can help our families save some money and also transport milk we are happy. We have done a good thing. We can think of school when it becomes necessary. School or no school, we need earnings for the future."
"I have always loved singing and dancing. Growing up, my love for it has been met with a lot of negativity. Activities like singing and dancing are stereotyped as something that only a girl would pursue. Once, I was told rather sternly that my humming 'Suntali Mai Kati Ma Ramro Darbaara, Maryo ni Maya Le Maryo' or any other song was not permissible on the school premises and that boys should not sing. This was discouraging and embarrassing at the same time. This was only one of many such incidents. Once I remember being beaten badly by a teacher. I remember not crying.
“I used to work across the border, but after the lockdown things became uncertain. My employer came to me and said, “No one is going to visit my business and I cannot shelter and pay you here, so it is better for both of us that you went back to where you are from.” I could not sleep that night. Losing a job for me is like losing a life. I have a mother and father who are poor and sisters and brothers that I need to take care of. Some become sick and the festivals are punctual every year. I knew that if I had been ousted here, I would surely find no job back home.
"When I called my parents to let them know about what had happened, they said, 'You must have been confused, maybe it is only what you think and not what happened. It is all in your head. Maybe you over-analyzed and over-read the situation.' The whole thing was shut then and there but it had irreversibly scarred me. I know. I still remember the day. That day I was home alone in Chitwan. My parents and my brother had come to Kathmandu. It was 4 in the evening because I remember. The uncle had come asking for my parents. I told him that my parents were not home. He asked to come inside.